Hannah
I have been reading and pondering Hannah's story in I Samuel 1 for about a week. A few years ago I wrote a Bible study for women called "Written on My Heart" and Hannah's story was in there. So you'd think I would know all there is to know about it, right? No - Spirit is always teaching and revealing from the Word and so I have learned more each day. When I wrote about Hannah for the study the focus was about the desires of our heart and how God fulfills them and our reaction to His graciousness. This week Spirit wanted me to explore and meditate on His love. So I did. And Hannah's husband became a more significant player.
I Samuel 1 begins with Hannah's husband, Elkanah, and his geneology while adding the small but major facts that create the problem of Hannah's story while introducing us to the female characters and alluding to the theme. Verse 2 says: He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. That is such a simple and straightforward verse but it gives us perspective on Hannah's circumstance - a circumstance that would most likely cause me to step into a competetive mode and one that would lead me to despair if I were Hannah. By reading the first two verses of the chapter we can see that Hannah's husband was a fine man with two wives and that one wife was likely feeling pretty bad.
Verses 3-8 show us how loved Hannah was and reveal the picture of God's love that Spirit wanted me to ponder. Every year Hannah and Penninah and their husband would go to Shiloh to offer sacrifices and worship. When the priest, Eli, would accept their sacrifice and serve them, Elkanah would give some to his wives and children but would give a larger portion to Hannah because he loved her so much - and because he felt bad for her that she had no children. And because he also saw Penninah reminding her of it and provoking her with it. I'm sure Elkanah's heart hurt to see that happen and to see the pain it caused his beloved Hannah. In fact, it was so painful for her that she couldn't eat what he gave her and she just wept and wept. Verse 8 says: Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"
This is where I have had to stop in my meditation and pondering on I Samuel 1. I'm sure that soon Spirit will move me forward in the chapter but this is where a special picture of God's love has been revealed to my heart. I wrote in my journal earlier this week: Elkanah was a fine man who loved Hannah and gave her special treatment because his love compelled him to do what he could to let her know she was special in spite of what she saw in herself as a failure. Just like me - I have good stuff - extra portions given to me to demonstrate God's love and His delight in me - but my failures and shortcomings and limitations are what seem to surface and influence me most of the time. And just like Hannah, most of these failures and shortcomings and limitations are not my fault. Hannah couldn't make herself bear children any more than Penninah could. But, as verse 6 says, the Lord had closed her womb - which means He had chosen to open the womb of Penninah! So He was in control just as He is in control of me and my life and my failures and successes.
Truth is that He is the giver of all good things. Psalm 107:9. Truth is that He makes everything beautiful in its time. Eccelesiastes 3:11. So even when Hannah was at the temple - a wonderful place where she was near the people and things of God, where she should have been worshiping and praising with all her heart, where she was receiving special treatment from Elkanah who loved her very much - she was tormented by her failures and shortcomings and allowed that to completely influence and control her physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state of being. Sounds very familiar to me - unfortunately. But when I find myself here, Father speaks to me as Elkanah spoke to Hannah: Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"
You are the One who loves and lavishes good things on me sees my depressed state of being and says to my heart, "Amy, my beloved, is my love for you not enough?" Oh, how that moves my heart. Is Your love not enough? My mind goes back to the many times in my life when I have been down, longing, seeking, wanting, hoping for anything other than to be in Your presence and experience Your love. You always lavish Your love on me in those times and say, "Is my love not enough?" When I find myself in these times You always lead me to the place where I am so broken that I cannot move from Your presence and there I always eventually begin to see and appreciate and praise with exuberance Your love and thank You for all You have lavished on me. When I finally reach the place of seeing Your love and blessings in my life I go from Hannah's place of tears and no appetite to a place of such great comfort and encouragement and beauty. Why do I ever doubt or dismiss or diminish Your amazing love???
So now, I look at Hannah's story and I see Elkanah. And I see the amazing love of God that says to me "Is my love not enough?" And I know that my failures and shortcomings and limitations are part of the way He has created me and are part of His plan and purpose for my life. They are not failures or shortcomings or limitations in His eyes but His perfectly planned way to lavish love on me. Would Hannah have known the depths of Elkanah's love had she not been in this place in her life? So perhaps He is wanting me to see the things that might cause me to feel negative in some way as an open door to His heart of love. And perhaps, like I know from the rest of Hannah's story, they are a part of the process of knowing Him that will lead to greater things - to His kingdom purposes for my life - to the fulfillment of the desires of my heart. No longer do they seem so much like failures and shortcomings or limitations.
Oh, loving Father, hold fast to my heart with Your love and whenever my flesh feels negative things, show me what You see. Help me to know that these things that seem negative are really open doors to Your heart and help me to walk through them with confidence, knowing and trusting that Your love is enough. Your love is enough.
Amy
I Samuel 1 begins with Hannah's husband, Elkanah, and his geneology while adding the small but major facts that create the problem of Hannah's story while introducing us to the female characters and alluding to the theme. Verse 2 says: He had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none. That is such a simple and straightforward verse but it gives us perspective on Hannah's circumstance - a circumstance that would most likely cause me to step into a competetive mode and one that would lead me to despair if I were Hannah. By reading the first two verses of the chapter we can see that Hannah's husband was a fine man with two wives and that one wife was likely feeling pretty bad.
Verses 3-8 show us how loved Hannah was and reveal the picture of God's love that Spirit wanted me to ponder. Every year Hannah and Penninah and their husband would go to Shiloh to offer sacrifices and worship. When the priest, Eli, would accept their sacrifice and serve them, Elkanah would give some to his wives and children but would give a larger portion to Hannah because he loved her so much - and because he felt bad for her that she had no children. And because he also saw Penninah reminding her of it and provoking her with it. I'm sure Elkanah's heart hurt to see that happen and to see the pain it caused his beloved Hannah. In fact, it was so painful for her that she couldn't eat what he gave her and she just wept and wept. Verse 8 says: Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"
This is where I have had to stop in my meditation and pondering on I Samuel 1. I'm sure that soon Spirit will move me forward in the chapter but this is where a special picture of God's love has been revealed to my heart. I wrote in my journal earlier this week: Elkanah was a fine man who loved Hannah and gave her special treatment because his love compelled him to do what he could to let her know she was special in spite of what she saw in herself as a failure. Just like me - I have good stuff - extra portions given to me to demonstrate God's love and His delight in me - but my failures and shortcomings and limitations are what seem to surface and influence me most of the time. And just like Hannah, most of these failures and shortcomings and limitations are not my fault. Hannah couldn't make herself bear children any more than Penninah could. But, as verse 6 says, the Lord had closed her womb - which means He had chosen to open the womb of Penninah! So He was in control just as He is in control of me and my life and my failures and successes.
Truth is that He is the giver of all good things. Psalm 107:9. Truth is that He makes everything beautiful in its time. Eccelesiastes 3:11. So even when Hannah was at the temple - a wonderful place where she was near the people and things of God, where she should have been worshiping and praising with all her heart, where she was receiving special treatment from Elkanah who loved her very much - she was tormented by her failures and shortcomings and allowed that to completely influence and control her physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state of being. Sounds very familiar to me - unfortunately. But when I find myself here, Father speaks to me as Elkanah spoke to Hannah: Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"
You are the One who loves and lavishes good things on me sees my depressed state of being and says to my heart, "Amy, my beloved, is my love for you not enough?" Oh, how that moves my heart. Is Your love not enough? My mind goes back to the many times in my life when I have been down, longing, seeking, wanting, hoping for anything other than to be in Your presence and experience Your love. You always lavish Your love on me in those times and say, "Is my love not enough?" When I find myself in these times You always lead me to the place where I am so broken that I cannot move from Your presence and there I always eventually begin to see and appreciate and praise with exuberance Your love and thank You for all You have lavished on me. When I finally reach the place of seeing Your love and blessings in my life I go from Hannah's place of tears and no appetite to a place of such great comfort and encouragement and beauty. Why do I ever doubt or dismiss or diminish Your amazing love???
So now, I look at Hannah's story and I see Elkanah. And I see the amazing love of God that says to me "Is my love not enough?" And I know that my failures and shortcomings and limitations are part of the way He has created me and are part of His plan and purpose for my life. They are not failures or shortcomings or limitations in His eyes but His perfectly planned way to lavish love on me. Would Hannah have known the depths of Elkanah's love had she not been in this place in her life? So perhaps He is wanting me to see the things that might cause me to feel negative in some way as an open door to His heart of love. And perhaps, like I know from the rest of Hannah's story, they are a part of the process of knowing Him that will lead to greater things - to His kingdom purposes for my life - to the fulfillment of the desires of my heart. No longer do they seem so much like failures and shortcomings or limitations.
Oh, loving Father, hold fast to my heart with Your love and whenever my flesh feels negative things, show me what You see. Help me to know that these things that seem negative are really open doors to Your heart and help me to walk through them with confidence, knowing and trusting that Your love is enough. Your love is enough.
Amy
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