Not too long ago I blogged about Hannah and Elkanah and God's amazing love that is displayed in their story.  I'm still pondering the whole story and the third character in the first part of it seems to be very important in my pondering.  Her name is Penninah.  (see I Samuel 1)  I have started calling her by a different name:  The Tormentor.

The Tormentor makes a very limited but very important appearance in the story.  And it isn't a very favorable appearance.   Why is that?  What is important about her and her part in the plan of God to bless Hannah and bring Samuel into this world?  She was Elkanah's other wife and God had opened her womb, giving her children with Elkanah while He had closed Hannah's womb.  And she tormented Hannah on a regular basis by pointing out her 'failure' to her.  I can almost hear The Tormentor's sharp words of pride and ridicule and I can feel Hannah's pain in being the one without and the one that appears to be a failure.

The scriptures don't say what happened with The Tormentor after Hannah left the temple with peace and new joy, became pregnant and had the son she'd prayed for so earnestly.  But I am assuming that she was still around.  And that it was likely her nature to torment.  And if she couldn't torment Hannah about her barrenness, she probably found something else to torment her about - like the fact that Hannah was having only one child while she already had several - or that Hannah was really packing on the pounds during her pregnancy - or that Hannah was a fool for asking for a son but promising to give him away.   I also pondered if perhaps she had repented, come to a place of maturity, stopped tormenting... perhaps even rejoicing with Hannah and becoming her friend and helper through the pregnancy.  But I think God would have included such a beautiful story as that in the scripture - don't you?  Or maybe Hannah had her eliminated - sort of like Sarah with Hagar, her rival, in Genesis 21.

I don't know what happened to The Tormentor after she learned Hannah was pregnant.  But I do know that Hannah was no longer suffering from the torment.  Hannah's heart changed as she embraced the God of Israel, trusted in His faithfulness and love, received what she had requested of Him, honored Him by fulfilling her vows, and praised Him for who He was and for what He had done for her.

As I have thought about Hannah's story and The Tormentor's role in it, I have looked at my life and asked questions.  Who is my Tormentor?  Who/what torments me and constantly reminds me of my failures, limitations, unfulfilled desires, losses, incompleteness, etc.?  Who/what keeps me despairing  and not functioning at full capacity or in the full intentions of Father God's plan for my life?   And does my Tormentor go away as I pour my heart out to Father and find peace in trusting Him?  Does the peace I find in that trust get stolen away as my Tormentor comes back with something new to use against me?  Is it possible to eliminate my Tormentor?

My Tormentor is not Penninah.  My Tormentor is a roaring lion roaming around in the shadows of my life looking for ways to bring me to defeat and he is so happy to use other people and things of the world and sin to do it.  He's even happier when all he has to do is put things before me and watch with a sneer as my own flesh becomes my Tormentor.  He roars with triumph as he watches me become weak and despairing, ineffective, and stopped cold in my tracks.  The peace I find as I trust in God's faithfulness, love, and purposes is crushed as the Tormentor nags and criticizes and throws past hurts and shameful sin and loss and negative emotions and longing at me.  He leaves me bruised, broken and bleeding in a heap on the ground.   I cannot escape him.  I haven't yet figured out a way to eliminate him.

Hannah didn't escape her Tormentor - or have her eliminated.  Yet she stopped despairing and lived her life in peace, hope, joy, honor and fulfillment.  What did she do to stop the negative effects of The Tormentor?

• She prayed, pouring her heart out to God - asking for what her heart desired - committing her ways to Him (I Samuel 1:10-16)
• She had others to pray for her and intercede on her behalf (I Samuel 1:17)
• She acted and walked in faith that showed she believed that what she'd asked of God, He would do (I Samuel 1:18)
• She worshiped God and continued to walk in trust of His faithfulness (I Samuel 1:19)
• She received what she had asked of God and fulfilled her vows to Him (I Samuel 1:20-28)
• She worshiped and testified to God's faithfulness and goodness (I Samuel 2:1-11)

So what have I learned from The Tormentor part of Hannah's story?  Torment won't stop.  It will always come at me from some angle at some point, although changing from time to time.   The Tormentor is a liar and a deceiver who wants to defeat and destroy me and will use every opportunity and means to do it.  But my Tormentor is giving me a reason to give my heart cry to Father, pouring it out, taking my longing and despair to Him and find Him pouring His heart of love all over me.  The Tormentor will compel me to ask Father for what I desire.  The Tormentor will increase my bonds of friendship and community with other believers as they intercede on my behalf.  The Tormentor is simply activating a catalyst for faith - for me to believe that Father cares, is listening, and will respond.  The Tormentor is a beacon that points my heart to Father God's proven goodness and grace which lifts my head and fills my heart with peace.  The Tormentor will highlight my weakness and in doing so will give way to God's strength in me that will move one foot in front of the other as I walk with Him in His purpose and plans for my life.  The Tormentor is giving me a new way to learn to abide in Christ and let Him be my hope.  The Tormentor is showing me that my flesh is useless and so I allow Spirit control of my life.  The Tormentor is providing a launching point for new ways and reasons to praise the holy name of the God of Israel, my God, my Redeemer, my Rewarder, my Teacher, my Protector, my Savior, my Friend. 

So, back to I Samuel 1:17 I go - praying, believing, peaceful, and praising:  "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."  And I will go with a joyful heart, trusting Jesus as He says in John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Take that, Tormentor.

Amy